I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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