one might say we're banned from that church
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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