Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
