yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
