I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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