Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
