Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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