return my video game
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
