he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
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I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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