how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
