Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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