Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
