so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER