dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
