My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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