I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.