i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
