my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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