Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
