I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
