how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
