my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
