i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
a search helicopter?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
