I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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