Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
