Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
