why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
