Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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