i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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