Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
