I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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