Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
