guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
