Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
