i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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