TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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