Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
