just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
