A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I CAN MOONWALK!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
