I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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