I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
