I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
