she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
