Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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