her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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