So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
