I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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