Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
