It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
