If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
