I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
