9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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