im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
