So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
