She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
