umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
