i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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