I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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