If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What a dumb baby whore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
