do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
