I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
