Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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