i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
