I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
