You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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