I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize