it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
