Your tits are I can't wait for
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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